Dessireé Zerpa Catanho and Sergio Diaz know loss.
Stillborn at 26 weeks of gestation, their daughter, Abby Diaz Zerpa, had a heart defect and a condition that was too severe for her little body to overcome.
“Saying goodbye to our daughter was the hardest thing to do. After giving birth, going home without her was torture. And letting go of her body, knowing we would never see her again, was very hard for both of us. We made memories after she was born and stayed with her at the hospital until the funeral home picked up her body, but there was never enough time. We have to live this new reality without her every day and that is what hurts me most,” Dessireé said.
For Sergio, thinking about what could have been hurts the most. “All those milestones that we are never going to be able to share with Abby, seeing other kids the age she would be and not being able to be there for her.”
The couple discovered infant loss is a lonely journey; a subject often hard to discuss with even the closest friends and family members. They found help through Empty Arms, a local support group, and for the third year, they plan to attend the Shining Light Infant Memorial for Pregnancy and Infant Loss on the Carle Foundation Hospital campus.
They said talking about their daughter and sharing their story with others who experienced similar loss helps them feel understood and less lonely.
The couple will join families across the country on Oct. 15 during the International Wave of Light, the annual
worldwide lighting of candles to honor infant loss. Carle is committed to supporting families impacted by pregnancy and infant loss, offering two inclusive opportunities.
Families may join together in person at The Forum near Carle Foundation Hospital in Urbana, or participate in a Walk-to-Remember and ceremony at The Chapel Garden outside of Carle BroMenn Medical Center in Normal. Livestreaming from home is also offered to families.
Carle Foundation Hospital Perinatal Grief and Bereavement Liaison Rachel Campbell, RN, said the Oct. 15 event provides a safe space for parents to be together, share memories and honor their babies. If they choose, parents may register the names of their lost infants so the names are read aloud during the memorial.
“Our hope is that this memorial is a safe place for grieving families to come and remember their little babies, and connect with other families who have shared experiences,” she said. Memorials in Urbana and Normal are held at no cost to participants thanks to generous support from Carle Health Center for Philanthropy.
Sergio said, “Attending the event has helped us to honor the memory of our daughter, as well as meeting other parents. We find ourselves going there, and not feeling alone in our pain.”
In March 2024 a son, Tiago, arrived to Dessireé and Sergio. “We will tell him that there was a baby girl before him, that her name is Abby, and she is his big sister. We will tell him she unfortunately died from a problem with her heart, but that she was wanted, is still loved and will forever live in our hearts,” Dessireé said.
Dessireé learned to crochet with her mother and mother-in-law a few days after losing her daughter. She finds it therapeutic and they support other families by delivering crocheted amigurumis, bears, hearts, angels, hats and blankets to Carle and other hospitals in Abby’s name. The Diazes also have a Spanish language blog, https://abbysjournal.com, to share their experience and help other grieving parents not feel alone in their pain.
“We believe it is important to share Abby’s story and as a society, we should be talking more about pregnancy and infant loss,” she said.
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In Urbana, the Shining Light Infant Memorial in-person event begins at 6 p.m. inside The Forum on the Carle Foundation Hospital campus, 611 W. Park St. Families, , including siblings, may decorate luminaries for the babies they are remembering. At 7 p.m. a memorial ceremony with a harpist and the reading of baby names will be in Pollard Auditorium at The Forum.
In Normal, the Shining Light Infant Memorial in-person ceremony and Walk to Remember event begins at the Chapel Garden of Carle BroMenn Medical Center, 1304 Franklin Ave. The event will open at 6 p.m. for families who wish to decorate luminaries in remembrance of their loved one(s). At 6:30 p.m. families may take a walk to remember followed by a 7 p.m. ceremony to honor precious babies gone too soon. Members of the Spiritual Care and Mother Baby Unit will be there for needed support.
Those who wish to honor their baby at home, may stream the memorial in Urbana online using Microsoft Teams. You will need to download the free Microsoft Teams application, tap the link for the event, and allow it to open in the application. To join on a computer, just open the link in a web browser. No need to pay or create an account.
Virtual Link: Click here.
Program Link: Click here.
For more information, or to register for the reading of names at the event in Normal, click here; and for the Urbana event, click here. Registration is not required to attend these events; it is only for the reading of names.
Categories: Community
Tags: Bloomington-Normal, Carle BroMenn Medical Center, Carle Foundation Hospital, Champaign-Urbana, labor and delivery, perinatal